The Trouble with Changing

I recently had a conversation with one of the clients I coach. They explained to me that they were ready to take their life to the next level, and would commit to a coaching program of my recommendation that would help them accomplish their goal. I recommended a program, and within a couple days, we were off and running. However, within 24 hours, the client started dropping the ball, engaging in actions that would take them further away from their goal. As a coach, my first compulsion is to work on their actions, but I’ve learned that our actions are governed by our philosophies, and unless those are changed, our actions will remain the same.

Changing one’s philosophies is one of the hardest things to do, because your philosophies are the thought patterns that have governed our lives. They have been ingrained in us through a variety of personal experiences. They are sacred to us. They are nurtured by us and those around us, and most importantly, we are most comfortable thinking the way that we do. In effect..we ARE the sum total of our beliefs, and act accordingly.

The hardest part about changing our actions, habits, and eventually our lifestyle, is that for those things to change, WE (our old philosophies and beliefs) have to die. Reminds me of the old saying, “everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.” Everybody wants “a” change, but nobody wants “to” change.

Watching Karate Kid(2010) the other day, I was amused at how “Mr. Han” trained “Dre Parker,” who desperately desired to be able to fight. Although Dre wanted to learn Kung-Fu, he resisted almost everything that “Mr. Han” was teaching him. “Mr. Han” had to start at Dre’s attitude and his discipline, before they could even get to the “good kung-fu stuff”. The secret was..that the “good kung-fu stuff” was actually the reshaping of dre’s philosophies and attitudes. There were definitely some techniques thrown in their as well, but before Dre even knew what happened, he had grown into a “winner”..a “fighter”. Now life could throw the same circumstances at him, but the NEW dre would handle those situations differently.

Check out this clip from the movie, where “Dre” discovers that the mundane training of putting on his jacket, and taking off his jacket have actually taught him Kung-Fu.

If we truly want to change, then we have to commit to a process in which we allow ourselves to let go of some of our most sacred thoughts and beliefs. I’m not talking about religion or spirituality here, although it can apply. I’m speaking about recognizing that our absolute BEST thinking has gotten us to where we are in our lives, and if we’re dissatisfied with where that is, then we must head towards the root of problem. Our Thinking. I heard a quote years ago that put me on the path to changing and would love to share it with you. “Five years from now, you’re the same person except for the people you’ve met and the books you’ve read.”- John Wooden

There is more truth in that quote than I can even explain. Change is a matter of intention. Either the intention that the world/circumstances has to CONDITION you into your current life, or the intention that you have to take control of your future, by taking control of what shapes your philosophies, your habits, your actions, and inevitably, your lifestyle.